The Success Nuggets

The Success Nuggets #59 - Cindy & Joe Kavanagh - Don’t Take It Personally

• David Abel • Season 3 • Episode 16

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Two powerhouse leaders, one liberating idea: don’t take it personally. In this Success Nuggets double feature, mentor and presence-based leader Cindy Kavanagh and entrepreneur/coach Joe Kavanagh share the mindset shifts that turn stress into signa - reframing, breath, and being impeccable with your word.

We cover:
 • The Four Agreements in real life, why “don’t take it personally” frees your energy
 • Reframing on the fly (Joe’s traffic test + how to stop reacting)
 • Journaling, morning walks, and the mindset that sustains high performance
 • Rest to rise: listening to your body, protecting your energy
 • Choosing essence over ego, and leadership that actually feels good

 Nugget of the day: “Nothing you say about me is really about me, it’s how you see me.”  Cindy

With thanks to One Golden Nugget and Maxwell Preece for editing, support and artwork

SPEAKER_04:

Hello. Today we've got something really special. A double feature with two powerhouse leaders who bring heart presence and real-world wisdom to leadership and life. Joe and Cindy Kavanaugh are just incredible what they do, they're incredible how they live. Joe is a seasoned entrepreneur, award-winning realtor, and master coach who spent four decades in business and real estate, helping now high-performing men lead with clarity, connection, and conscious influence. And Cindy, she's a radiant mentor, and a teacher helps leaders step out of burnout and into resonance, blending emotional intelligence, spiritual alignment, and present-based leadership. Joe, Cindy, welcome to the Success Nuggets.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you, David. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03:

That was very nice. I think I'll uh print that out, put it on my wall.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you for having us here, David. It's really an honor.

SPEAKER_03:

I echo that. It truly is an honor, David. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04:

You're welcome. Joe, let's start with you. What's one defining moment that changed how you see success beyond the bottom line?

SPEAKER_03:

Honestly, it was when I met my lovely wife, Cindy. That was the moment because up until that point, I had been that guy, the male version of a Karen, I guess you'd call it. And I was uh arrogant, egotistical, better than you, I thought. I knew it all, all that, the everything that goes with that. And then I meet this beautiful angel here, and she just came from a totally opposite mindset, one that I never even explored. And as we got to know each other, it became quite evident to me almost immediately that this is what I needed in my life. I needed somebody to show me how to get back to being the real me.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, that is beautiful. And Cindy, for you, what was the moment that led you to blend the emotional and the spiritual sides of leadership? When did the light bulb go off?

SPEAKER_01:

I believe for me, my spiritual path really started in my early 40s, triggered by the deaths of my parents who happened to pass within a month of each other and back in 1998. It's been a while. So once that happened, I started searching and looking for different things and with an open mind and found so many things. And one of the books that truly turned my thinking around was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The four agreements are really simple, not so easy to implement, but very simple. It's uh be impeccable with your word, don't make assumptions, don't take anything personally, and do your best.

SPEAKER_04:

Joe, you've always done your best. And you've been around the block in business, so you have to do your best. But tell us about some of those other other three attributes.

SPEAKER_03:

The biggest thing with me was being impecc impeccable with your word. And that was something when I look back on it and reflect on it, I was not always impeccable with my word. I would say what I thought I needed to say in the moment to convince somebody to either buy something from me, work with me, etc., or get me what I wanted. It was that greed that was in there. And just had the sense of I had to be better than everybody else. So I did what it took. Sometimes I lied, sometimes I cheated. And those are things I wouldn't have admit admitted at all back then. I would have covered that up totally. Now I can see where we're much better off being open about all that. Because it it it clears you of that burden, it takes that weight off of you. So it takes some effort on your own part to really understand that and accept it and work with it and be willing and open to change.

SPEAKER_04:

They say it takes 10 years to just get on the first rung of the art. Oh, there we go. I'm on the I'm on the ladder. You're on that. Cindy, just remind me of those four again, then.

SPEAKER_01:

Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Okay, the reason for that is nothing is personal. Nothing that you say about me is really about me. It's how you see me, what you think about me, what you may have heard about me, but it's not really me. So how can I take things personally unless it's in my authentic essence, my essential self? So that's don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions. That's huge. How often do we create stories around what we hear someone say or see on the internet or on television? And we create stories around them instead of asking the question, what did you mean by that? Did I hear you say dot dot dot? And what does that mean? What does that really mean? So when you don't make assumptions, it frees you up a lot. When you don't take things personally, it frees you up a lot. And doing your best, we do that knowing that our best at any given time can vary. It can be when I'm feeling fantastic and I'm on top of the world and I'm excited. My best is can be really great. And when I'm not so good, if I'm not feeling well, if I've had a little bit too much to drink the night before, or done stayed up too late, doing whatever, my best is not going to be the same. However, I believe that people in any given moment are doing the best that they can with what they have. And when you also give people that grace of knowing that they're doing the best they can, you can accept a lot more. You can not judge as much. Freeing ourselves from judgment is a tough job. When we understand that people are doing the best they can with what they've got, it just makes life a lot easier.

SPEAKER_04:

Joe, couple eye here there. Don't beat yourself up. Something I've heard as well recently is never concern yourself with the rights or wrongs of others. It just opens your heart to the path of maliciousness.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, no, I love that. And I take things the way I want to take them, the way I want to hear them, the way it's convenient to me sometimes. I'm quick to judge. Instead of, as Cindy will often point out when we're together, said, how do you know that's what they're going through? They may be having some personal issues that they're dealing with and that they're not having their best day. Their best today may not be their real best. And we study a lot of NLP, and she's a master at it, and that's called reframing. And it's taking that negative attitude and reframing it into a positive attitude. And that simple exercise right there works in every situation. I have not run across one yet where it hasn't. And I actually tested myself yesterday, I was out with traffic at rush hour. And I was at a couple of intersections that I know get backed up, blocked up, whatever. And I was in the lane that's gonna get affected by it the most. And I just said, you know what? I'm just gonna sit through this and see what happens. I am not gonna react. And guess what? I made the light.

SPEAKER_04:

I love how you redefine success though, as well. And Joe, after all your years of achievement, how do you stay energized? You're helping now high-performing men lead with clarity, connection, and influence.

SPEAKER_03:

Honestly, the biggest thing I see is bad habits. As I just explained, they they they're judging everything, they get upset over situations. And the way to reframe that is look at an upset, what you think is an upset, as a setup for what's to come and learn from it and gain experience from it. And that's the thing is say, what can I learn from this? What or if I deal a lot with real estate agents, for example, and I could think of one particular, and all he does is complain about his clients won't do this, his client's this, his clients that. When we react that way to situations, it's usually reflecting a weakness or a problem inside us, not them. And that's a tough cookie to swallow. And we are both firm believers in energy, people pick up your energy quicker than any word you can come out with. And when you approach everything with the right attitude and the right belief, and you're open, people just want to talk to you. They want to open up to you. I've heard people walk up to Cindy and say, I don't know what it is you're taking, but I want that. I want some of that. It's like a medication. I had a health scare a few years ago, and the stress was the cause as the root cause of it. Where I used to run on stress, that was my fuel for the engine.

SPEAKER_04:

So, what's your biggest tip there? Breathe.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, breathe breathe. That's the instant one, and also do a lot of self-work, self-reflection, and that's what we work with people with. That's the biggest thing. It has nothing to do with best sales pitch or anything like that. It's about you and having the right mindset, having the best mindset.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't think that's something AI can even replace either. Just that one-hour conversation and just breathe and let it all out. Cindy, what about you? How do you help leaders reconnect with joy and presence? So success doesn't just look good, it feels good.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, defining success in itself, what is success? I mean, it means different things to different people and at different times in our lives. I know for myself, when I was raising my sons and working in the corporate world, I was an accountant for 33 and a half years, and I actually worked for the same company, which doesn't happen in this day and age very often. I had a specific reason to be doing that. I was taking care of my children. I was providing for them. And success at that point was being able to do those things. It also gave me the opportunity to travel to India. It also gave me the opportunity to work in my spare time to become a massage therapist, a Reiki healer, a reconnective healer, doing energy work, doing all kinds of different things that on one side I'm doing the accounting, the left brain, the which for me actually came easy. So that's why I did it. And on the other side, I'm doing all the spiritual things to lift my soul up. So that's what I bring to people is the ability to step back and reach into themselves and feel that essence and just take that moment to breathe. Breathing's so important. And I I've studied so many things. My God, I am an insatiable learner. Joe will tell you, I've got several books going at the same time. I'm I'm not constantly listening to things, constantly reading things, and I'm also on the other side of the spectrum, quite woo-woo, as some people would say. And I've embraced that. It's that blend of spirituality and reality that allows me to be who I am and to share that with the world. And for me, raising my frequency, my vibration is what is going to make the difference. I cannot change anyone else. That's not possible. The only control I have is over this right here. And being impeccable with my word and actually living the life that I live and walking the walk and talking the talk. What you see is what you get.

SPEAKER_04:

Everyone has one special quality, but to be yourself, I think the universe pays you back, doesn't it? As well, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah. And oh my gosh, in so many ways.

SPEAKER_04:

Now, between you both, just a fun breakthrough. Was there anything where you took a step back from business, from ego, from from work mode, from spreadsheet, Cindy, back in the day, that that led to a a breakthrough or a funny moment that that caught you both off guard and you just went, oh when we met.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, the same.

SPEAKER_01:

I was at a festival here in Charleston. We have, we're in Charleston, South Carolina, and we have a festival called The Blessing of the Fleet. And it's at the beginning of shrimping season, and they have this big festival at a waterfront park, and all the shrimp boats come by the end of the pier and they get blessed by different ministers. It's multi-uh denominational, whatever. This one time I went with my friend Scotty, and we had been debating whether to go or not, but we can hear the music because it's so close to my house. And I was like, okay, well, we'll go. So we went, and lo and behold, we walk in to this festival. We end up at the very beg at the very front, watching all the boats being blessed. And it's like, wow, this is so cool. And then they have all these vendors and everything, and lots of really great seafood and music and dancing, and it's just a great festival. So we she and I had decided to have one last beverage and go home. So we were fin, we were just about finished. We're walking out of this beer hall. It was a room where they were selling beer. It's not a beer hall. If you've been in Munich, you know what a beer hall is. So we're walking out, and this man turns to me and says, How do I know you? And I'm like, I don't know. How do you know me? Do you did you go to school around here? Because I had not heard him talk enough to know he had an accent from off. That's what we call it back down here in the south. So he was from away, and he said, No, do you sell real estate? And I went, What? Do you need to buy a house or something? I'm not in real estate. And he goes, Okay, well, I'm a real estate appraisal, um, I'm a real estate appraiser. And I said, Oh, that's fascinating. Do you know? And I named my nephew. And he said, Yeah, I know Tim. How do you know him? And I said, Well, he's my nephew. And he said, There's no way. And I said, Way, of course he is. Why? He said, Because he looks older than you. And he's only about eight years younger. Then he asked me if I'd like to meet him for coffee or something, and he gave me his card and he said, Give me a call. So as soon as I got home, I called because I knew I would not if I gave it any time. I called and I said, Hey, this is Cindy. We just met at the festival. Balls in your court and a hangout.

SPEAKER_03:

That was on the answering machine.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

On the answering machine. Yeah, I wasn't, I was still at the festival or out somewhere listening. Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

It was his business phone.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Love it.

SPEAKER_01:

Not his personal.

SPEAKER_04:

Joe, are you excited to hear Cindy's voice on the answering machine?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. I was like, wow, she called me back. So I called her back. I love that. So what's the message of the story there? Always stay for one more beer.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. You never know. One more beer. Let's get practical then. Joe, what's one daily habit or mindset shift that keeps you grounded and out of burnout?

SPEAKER_03:

I would definitely say my morning meditation and my journaling. And especially the journaling, because I hate almost hate to admit this, but it's true. It's new to me. I was just never one for writing, to be quite honest. So I meditate, go for my walk. I walk two to three miles every morning. And then lately with this other group, we're really doing a lot of introspection. That is one of the things they highly recommended. I'm starting to get a lot of breakthroughs from it. And it helps frame my mindset for the day. Because if it's something negative I'm writing about, it clears it, takes it off me, and it releases it. And if it's something more profound or positive or an aha moment, it's like, okay, there's a good way to get going on the day.

SPEAKER_04:

Did you ever pick up your phone first or did you write first?

SPEAKER_03:

Now I write first. I don't pick up my phone first. The only the first thing I look at when I pick up my phone is I do two things. After I meditate in general, I check the temperature outside because I'm going for my walk so I can dress accordingly. And the other thing I look at is I check my calendar to make sure I didn't forget something I have coming up that day. I like I prepared now. I didn't used to, but through my the work I've done, these are some of the things you learn to correct bad habits or shortcomings.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it really does. And depression is the past, anxiety is the future.

SPEAKER_03:

Worrying about things to come. Yeah, there's no point in it because it's in the future. It hasn't happened yet. And I mean it probably won't happen. Unless you worry about it too much, then it will. Because you attract what you think. And that's that's another revelation. I mean, that's a whole topic in itself. And also don't be afraid to open up and show your emotions. Because just talking on this podcast is like therapy right now. I'm just feeling I'm I'm listening to myself and say, boy, my old self would like, who are you?

SPEAKER_04:

It's a it's about not being yourself up as well.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's never too late. And I now follow the motto that um I I don't know if it was Gandhi or somebody said, live every day like it's your last and learn every day like you live forever. So if I can learn one new thing a day, I'm progressing.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Now, me and Joe work very hard to put ourselves together. So when you talk about rest to rise, there must be a moment in your life where you personally need to recharge when life gets a bit full as well. What's what's what's the tip from the top, Cindy?

SPEAKER_01:

Listen to your body because your body's gonna tell you if you don't pay attention, it's gonna shut down on you. And you will end up having to rest. So rest is a very important part of my routine. When I feel emotionally drained, or I've given a little bit too much of myself and not protected my energy properly. I do retreat and I take the time for myself to breathe, to rest, to relax. For me, that piece is very important. Being in action and doing the things that I need to do to make an impact on the world is important as well. And I I recognize that I do that one-to-one. And it it can be as simple as for me, I give out little cards called Thoughtfuls, sold by compendium, and I um pass these little cards out to people, and I don't know what they say. They're like, I call them calorie-free fortune cookies, and the little message inside, I trust that the message that's in it will mean something to the person I give it to. I give it to people at checkout lines. I give it to people on airplanes. I ask, how many people are in the crew? And I give it to one person and I say, pass these out, please. You just don't know what little thing you're gonna do that's gonna make a difference in another person's life, whether that's a smile, which is very simple to share, a hug. The other day, Joe and I went for a walk and we got halfway down the block, and there was a child in distress. And it was just one of those moments where you can make a difference without hesitation, without even thinking about it. And one of the things that brings me more joy in my life than anything else is my grandbabies. And I call myself a fairy grandmother. I have fairy hair. I sparkle. And I'm a fairy grandmother instead of being a fairy godmother. Because I can't make all their wishes come true, but I can sparkle.

SPEAKER_04:

They are lucky. Okay, before we wrap up, what is your one golden nugget for our listeners?

SPEAKER_01:

For me, it's connecting to source. Whatever that source is for you, connect to source, bring it in, and listen. You won't be guided wrong.

SPEAKER_03:

I would say be your true self, who you are at your essence. Be who you are at your true essence, and good things will flow your way. Uh the other one I like is listen to relate, not respond.

SPEAKER_04:

Listening is is such an underrated skill, isn't it? Joe and Cindy, thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your laughter, my face hurts from all the smiling. Energy is contagious, and that is the proof of it. My face actually really hurts. And your presence, that was truly special. And for the audience, if you've enjoyed today's episode, share it with someone who needs a reminder that leadership starts from within. Till the next time, keep collecting success nuggets. And thank you again, guys, for coming in.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you, David.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Join David and his incredible guests next time on the Success Nuggets Podcast. And to find out more, visit OneGoldenNugget.com. Thank you for listening.