The Success Nuggets

The Success Nuggets #60 - Maria Dolares Dignity, Moral Courage and the Human Connection

• David Abel • Season 3 • Episode 17

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Maria Dolores joins The Success Nuggets to zoom out on human history and zoom into daily dignity. From HR and crisis work to walking beside 3,000 caskets and attending 1,500 funerals, she shares how grief matured into a living framework she calls The Human Constitution seven promises: Body, Emotion, Thought, Power, Communication, Life, Collective.

You’ll hear why presence beats perfect words, what moral (civil) courage looks like, and how rights pair with responsibilities in a “global–local” world.

We touch AI anxiety, extinction fears, and the humbling truth that on Earth’s 24-hour clock, humans have been here only a few seconds.

Nugget of the day: “ Your ideas can change the world.” - Maria Dolores 

With thanks to One Golden Nugget and Maxwell Preece for editing, support and artwork

SPEAKER_02:

Get ready to dive into the world of insights inspiration. With the founder of the digital light bulb and your host, David Abd.

SPEAKER_03:

Welcome back to the Success Nuggets Bite-size insights with heavyweight impact. Today's guest is Maria, a former HR leader who moved into grief recovery after a series of seismic life events. She forges Isthema, a practice of maturing through leadership, wrote a state of grace, founded the Human Contract Foundation, and developed the Human Constitution Seven Promises, which we'll get into. So today we are going to talk about how grief becomes wisdom, wisdom becomes a working system for life and business. And speak to Maria, who was awarded the Ambassador for Peace in 2023. Hello, Maria.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi, David. So nice to be here. I'm so happy.

SPEAKER_03:

So great to see you. I'm glad you're happy. What a lovely start to the show. Let's rewind. Before we talk about Maria and her resume, let's rewind through human history. Tell me about how long humans have been on the Earth and what it all means right now.

SPEAKER_01:

I find this so fascinating, David, because if we look at the planet's development and if we would divide the planet in 24 hours, how long do you think we have been on this planet? Huh? It's a very, very short time. It's first after 20 hours that we have cells that is forming life and something that is more than small organisms. So the last four hours on the 24 hours, and the dinosaurs were around for 15 minutes. And we as a species have only been here a few seconds. And I love this perspective because we see each other as top of the fruit chain, and we are so important, and we are impacting this world, but we've only been around for a few seconds. So it's humbling.

SPEAKER_03:

We're just a speck of dust amongst a billion people on a planet that's been here a lot longer than us as well. And uh I do find that interesting though. We talk about there was no life, then there was the dinosaurs and the humans. I wonder when I read about AI, feels like are the humans on their way out? Do you think we could make ourselves extinct?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's a choice that we need to make. A choice on who do we want to be, and who could we mature to be. My core value is really about dignity. And with dignity and self-compassion and respect for one another, and also in Swedish, we call it civil courage, which is moral courage and to come together as a species, and respecting, you know, I diversity and the many, many various different cultures and the learning that we have as a species.

SPEAKER_03:

Moral courage is a really great word. And you started out in HR, probably about the same time I started work. I started work in 1996.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I work with human resources and the whole HR process, everything from strategies and attracting top talents and recruiting and onboarding and developing individuals, groups, organization, offboarding roles, groups and emerging organizations. I worked in the Swedish steel industry, a Swedish forest industry, and at the Swedish prosecution. So I worked both in the private sector and the public sector. It's been really interesting to see leadership and also training risk and crisis management.

SPEAKER_03:

I said in the intro about how you'd had a series of seismic life events.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. And you also mentioned the word istiman. What I saw, David, is I saw a pattern. I saw the same type of pattern both with my own crisis, like when my mom died in 2009, uh, and my own grieving process and what I call breathing emotions, you know, to experience the emotion but also letting go. And the same with in 2013, I filed for divorce, and my ex-husband's grief came out in a very, very destructive way over the divorce. And so he was uh stalking me, and it was really, it was really terrifying. But what also happened during that time was that he developed a brain tumor and he died in 2015. So uh that was another istma and and the same pattern that I've seen individual, in relationships, but also in group dynamic, when we are going from the beginning, we get to know each other and everyone is nice in the group, and then uh in the group process of going through the turbulence and to come to more effective groups, the same in crisis and risk management with organization, and the same pattern that I see today in nations and as a society also going through this isthema process. When we go from one perspective and we shift perspective, we don't go from here and then you know suddenly broaden, coming to enlightenment. It's through the process, and that's why istma is a way to describe not only the crisis, but the entire process. And I want to give hope to humans and humanity and how we can come to more dignity, but also understanding that the turbulence and what we experience right now is important in our life.

SPEAKER_03:

And you created a book, A State of Grace. Yeah. And what do we learn from are you in the state of grace?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, a state of grace, human rights and human obligations. It's referring to that when you are in a state of grace, and I am in a state of grace, that's how we create the state of grace. So peace in the world starts from within. And the idea that I had back then, 10 years ago, my upcoming book is also about the human constitution. These seven principles is referring to the rights and responsibilities. So these seven principles, the first three is personal. It's that you have the right to your body, you have the right to all your emotions and your thoughts, and you also have a responsibility to trying to mature and with dignity with the body, with dignity and trying to mature in our emotions and to come to more peaceful emotions. You have the right to your thoughts and trying to broaden perspectives. And then the coming three is interpersonal. You have the right to your power, your personal power, your physical power, and your monetary power. But you also have a responsibility in how we act and interact with each other. And the fifth principle is communication. You have the freedom of speech and creativity, but we also have a responsibility in what we say and what we create. And then the sixth out of the seven is life, that you have the right to your life, also responsibility to respect others' way of life and other life forms. And then the last is our collective rights and responsibilities as a humanity and what we call in Swedish moral sweet grosh, moral courage.

SPEAKER_03:

Where do people usually break the chain? And what's the smallest fix people can do to restore that flow?

SPEAKER_01:

Compassion for ourselves and compassion for one another, to be a little bit more gentle, to trying to relax those nagging thoughts. I shouldn't, I couldn't, I wouldn't. If only this, if only that, then I will be happy. But uh to relax in the present, in this constitution, the physical constitution, this transportation vehicle that we have.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, when you say transportation, I'm guessing you're quite spiritual.

SPEAKER_01:

There are so many other people who are uh spiritual and there are so many different religions. I just want to deliver a message about life here and now that we are born with rights and that we all need to mature and come to more dignity. What happens before this life or after this life, I don't know. But I do know that we have such a limited perspective, really. Uh just living in this body, you know, we we only see a fragment of light that is visible light in this because we are in this transportation vehicle. We only hear a fragment of sound and the touch that we experience. So there are so many other aspects to be discovered, and not all of them can be discovered in this body. So I think it's really just to enjoy the life that we have and to develop more, to be more curious.

SPEAKER_03:

Like meditation or other practices?

SPEAKER_01:

So I'm not a guru, I'm not a spiritual leader, and I deeply believe people need to find their own path. And that's really what I also discovered when I was teaching coaching. How much the questions for you that you have in your life, you're also able to find the answers for. But sometimes we need to have that resonance board, and we need we need that coach, and we need that spiritual leader or the right questions to find the inner answers. The answers are never out there, it's always within yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

When we're born is probably the least dignifying thing, isn't it? We're born naked, covered in all kinds of gunk and that. But when we go out, dignity is is a big thing.

SPEAKER_01:

My friend called me from her funeral business and she asked me if I wanted to help her in her funeral business. And uh I just started out, and then um I've been casketing 3,000 people, and uh I witnessed about 1,500 funerals. So I've seen all religions: Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Sheik, but also secular ceremonies. So I know the importance of closure and to see all the emotions that we experience, especially the dense emotions of fear, anger, um, sadness, of course, grief, like the funeral with the boy who died in cancer when he was 16, and uh his friend coming to the ceremony with hate in the eyes because life was unfair. It's no like really strong hate and uh with a respect for that and and the respect for all emotions.

SPEAKER_03:

What do you think you learn from maybe just the first funeral? Sometimes we just gotta get going. Is there any sort of clear messages when you meet people at funerals?

SPEAKER_01:

The best difference that we can make for one another in life is presence. It it becomes very clear, especially in funerals. It's not what you say really, it's it's your being and to be authentic and to be present. So that's what I do. I I welcome people, I make everyone feel welcomed. And uh it's really about dignity, it's about equal human worth that we have the right to be, the right to live and to acknowledge equal worth.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you still doing the funeral work?

SPEAKER_01:

Actually, I'm I'm helping my friend together uh again on Fridays. But other than that, I'm also working, teaching, and uh traveling. A few weeks ago, I was in Los Angeles talking about the human constitution, about our rights and responsibilities. So I'm wrong, I love it.

SPEAKER_03:

When it's all said and done, and it's your turn, how do you think people will remember you or how do you interact with others that's just you and only you?

SPEAKER_01:

I I believe that together with a lots of other people, uh, to start a new renaissance, that is a new social contract, that we can agree that we are born with rights and that we all need to mature with dignity with our responsibilities. I believe that united we can make a change. I really believe that.

SPEAKER_03:

But going back to our earlier conversation, 350 million indigenous people in the world. That's fascinating.

SPEAKER_01:

And through the shifts that we have been through as a species, we've always had technology supporting and driving us to the next level. And we are in such a privileged time right now where we have 350 million people living indigenous lives, but also various empires and various forms of democracy. And now, again, like so many times before, in this shift going through you know nation-centric thinking to a global local world, the obviously, like you and me sitting here in different parts of the world having this conversation. And in this shift, we need to have something carrying, something that is is not religious, that is not party political, but simply and deeply human. And that's what I'm bringing.

SPEAKER_03:

What's a belief that you retired?

SPEAKER_01:

A belief that I retired. That I don't believe that anyone else has the solutions to your problems, or you know, there's not the one, there is not only one, but there are many solutions and there are many It is always inside.

SPEAKER_03:

For our listeners or for your uh younger version of yourself, what's your one golden nugget for life?

SPEAKER_01:

I think it is that your ideas can change the world.

SPEAKER_03:

That's a light bulb moment there. That's a perfect one for us as well. So, Maria, we're at the end of the show today. For our audience, if a nugget landed with you, share it with one person today. Check the show notes for Maria's practices, feel deeply, systemize wisely, move forward with dignity. It doesn't matter. Your shape, your size, your colour, your gender. You can start something if you can start something today. Maria, it's been wonderful having you on.

SPEAKER_00:

And we'll see you again. Join David and his incredible guests next time on the Success Nuggets Podcast. And to find out more, visit oneGoldenNugget.com. Thank you for listening.